Nicole Holmers Blog, People Facing Addiction

I started using methamphetamines when I was 27, to give me wings. It didn’t take long at all for the drugs to take away my sky. I was a single mother of four, with a three-bedroom, two-bath home. A vehicle. A job. I had never been arrested. I thought an IV user was the lowest of all lows. My children were my world. I was happy.

It’s frightening how quickly life changes, and how abruptly it ends. Now, I’m at the end of a five-year run of injecting meth, pills, crack, and heroin. I was unemployed, robbing stores, and slinging dope to merely pay for my habit.

I went from having a home to only having a bed at the county jail. I lost my vehicle to the impound. My custodial rights to my children were terminated. I was alone, tired, run down, sick, and completely lost. I was convicted felon with a horrific addiction and nowhere to go.

I took a long hard look in the mirror and realized I didn’t know the individual looking back at me. I didn’t like the person I had become. I was homeless, barefoot, with nothing. I felt as though I had no one to turn to. I messaged a close friend, telling her of my misery. Thankfully, she had it in her heart to reach out and offer me something that I had frankly lost hope on a long time ago: a fresh start, a helping hand, and the love of someone who hadn’t given up on me.

Although scared and unsure about giving up my utterly horrible yet familiar life, I found it in me to reach back, grab my friend’s hand, and never look back. I’d rather be dead than continue living how I was living. I left the state of Florida for a clean slate and made a new beginning in West Virginia.

In one week, I’ll hit the two-month recovery mark. There are still trying days. I have not come even close to regaining all I had lost. But with my friend’s love, I found it in me to choose life. I’m looking for work, I’m reading my Bible. I get up daily, thankful to be alive. I do things a normal person does like house chores, contact my family, and go to bed at a decent hour.

Because of the love and kindness I received, I have my sky back. Because of that help, I’m alive. I’m choosing to be better. With each day sober, I’m closer to gaining back the things I lost over the last five years.

With each day sober, I’m closer to being a mother again, a daughter, granddaughter, and a friend. With each day sober, I am closer to becoming me again, and that will be the day that I truly regain my wings.